Boobie Blunders + Boobie Basics-Part 1

Hi Mommies!

Today’s topic may make a few of you blush but for those of us who are already blessed to be mommies you will like nod and agree and have stories of your own to share.  Today’s topic is on breastfeeding (BF).  I decided on this topic because I feel that a lot of us mommies have had some sort of struggle with BFing.  I have also had a couple of my mommy friends who are have gone or are going through something very similar to what I went through.  As always I would love to hear your comments and stories.  This is definitely a sensitive and serious topic (but don’t worry, I will try to keep it somewhat light; case in point the title of these posts).

In an effort to break the ice I am going to go ahead and call this post Boobie Blunders and Boobie Basics . I am going to have to post this in two parts to keep this from becoming a novel.  The first post I will share my Boobie Blunders-My Boobie Struggles.  The second post will focus on Boobie Basics-Tips & Product Recs.

Before Sofia Grace was born I was certain I was going to BF for at the very least 3 months and at the very most 1 year.  Again, pre-baby I thought I controlled everything…major RUDE awakening post-baby when I realized I controlled very little.  But I digress….so I knew I wanted to BF, period, end of story.  I had decided this after learning the immense nutritional value of breast milk and how many antibodies our breast milk has.  I was so excited that I had decided to make this commitment that I even attended a BFing class (which I HIGHLY recommend) because surprisingly our boobies do not come with instructions and ironically neither do our babies.  I took the class and felt great about my decision.  I learned everything I needed to know about BFing and was ready to tackle the task at hand---it would be a cinch!

Fast forward six weeks after SGs birth.  As many of you know our daughter was put in the hospital at 4 days old due to jaundice and extremely high billirubin counts mainly due to the fact that she had become malnourished and dehydrated thereby preventing her from being able to eliminate any bodily wastes.  The main culprit?  My boobies.  This was because my milk did not come in within the 2-3 days after birth when most women’s milk comes in.  I will share the details of this story in another post but long story short I just did not produce enough milk for SG.  In fact my milk production was so poor that even with lots of BFings + pumping I could never produce more than an 1 ½ oz. of milk per breast (at the height of my BFing)!  At my worst point I couldn’t even produce 1 oz. between the two!  So by 6 weeks I was beyond frustrated, extremely exhausted and at my wits end.   Imagine feeding for 30 minutes then bottle feeding for another 30 then pumping for another 30 when your baby is on a 2 hour feeding schedule---that’s right, you get about 30 minutes to rest in between feedings…not ideal. I felt I had given BFing my all but by this point I was so sleep deprived and was still returning poor results that I just felt like it wasn’t worth it anymore.  At this point I was also supplementing with bottles and frankly I felt much better feeding her with a bottle because at least then I knew how much she consumed. I had also become quite paranoid with SG’s milk intake given the scare with her being in the hospital.  I logged EVERY feeding, how long she fed, how much, etc.  I had become a prisoner to her feeding schedule constantly on the verge of a nervous breakdown if she didn’t consume the “right” amount of milk for the day.  I was so fearful that she would get sick again that even when I could rest I just couldn’t because my anxiety was so bad.  I remember sitting on the phone with my dear friend Kristi.  She shared her BFing difficulties and coached me through lasting another 2 weeks.  God bless her!  I had asked my husband if I should just bottle feed exclusively but he asked that I keep trying.  That lasted about another 3 days and then one day after falling asleep with SG on me for over 3 hours from sheer exhaustion and waking up in a frantic panic I decided to throw in the towel. 

Now I am NOT a quitter.  In fact quitting to me is like admitting defeat.  I am a fighter, always have been so quitting at this was very foreign to me.  The first week I decided to quit I felt like a horrible mother and a huge failure.  I had failed at the one thing that creates the greatest bond between mommy and baby.  I was a flat out failure!  I couldn’t do what thousands of other mommies seem to be able to do so easily.   I will never forget standing in the shower having to hand express the excess milk and sobbing watching what I had treated like liquid gold just wash away.  My heart hurt so badly.  Was I making the right decision?  Would SG and I still have a bond?  Was I just a selfish mother who needed sleep over giving my daughter natures most nutritious form of food?  All these questions ran through my mind.  About two weeks later I knew this was the right decision for me.  I felt like a new woman.  I was getting more sleep and my husband was able to help with more feedings.  I no longer felt like a cow connected to the milk machine and more importantly I was in a better mood overall.  I realized then that yes, this was the right decision for me and my family.  I was now able to be a better mommy because I was simply happier.  Now please understand, I am not saying this is the right decision for everyone.  I have lots of mommy friends who BF and still BF and this is the right decision for them.  And honestly had BFing gone differently for me I might still be doing it now. I have friends who also chose to bottle feed because they struggled as well.  Now almost 5 months later, SG is a VERY healthy (check out the rolls), happy, loving lil girl and our bond is stronger now than when she was first born.

Happy lil eater.

 

Who needs a neck when you can rest on cheeks like these?!

I joke that SG's cheeks could have their own zip code!

Lots of biscuit rolls on her arms at 4 months.

Check out the biscuit rolls on her thighs at only 2 months!

 

I wanted to share my story because as I mentioned before I have other mommy friends who have or are currently struggling.  BFing is no easy task, in fact it was one of the hardest things I had attempted.  I wanted other mommies to know that it is ok if you chose to bottle feed.  Formulas are so different than they used to be and babies are still healthy (just take a look at our lil chunky monkey).  If you are struggling I am more than happy to offer my support.  Sometimes it just helps to know you aren’t the only one going through something.  And if you would like to share your story I would LOVE to hear it and I know other mommies would too.  Just know that it is your decision, don’t let others pressure you one way or the other because it is your family, your baby and your body. 

For those who are looking for help I have listed some great sites below as resources.  And as always, use your mommy support group, they will help get you through everything! 

La Leche League
Women's Hospital of Texas-Breastfeeding Education Department
Lactation Foundation of Houston
The Motherhood Center