Hi Mommies!
Today’s topic may make a few of you blush but for those of us
who are already blessed to be mommies you will like nod and agree and have
stories of your own to share. Today’s
topic is on breastfeeding (BF). I
decided on this topic because I feel that a lot of us mommies have had some
sort of struggle with BFing. I have also
had a couple of my mommy friends who are have gone or are going through
something very similar to what I went through.
As always I would love to hear your comments and stories. This is definitely a sensitive and serious
topic (but don’t worry, I will try to keep it somewhat light; case in point the
title of these posts).
In an effort to break the ice I am going to go ahead and
call this post Boobie Blunders and Boobie Basics . I am going to have to post
this in two parts to keep this from becoming a novel. The first post I will share my Boobie Blunders-My
Boobie Struggles. The second post will
focus on Boobie Basics-Tips & Product Recs.
Before Sofia Grace was born I was certain I was going to BF
for at the very least 3 months and at the very most 1 year. Again, pre-baby I thought I controlled
everything…major RUDE awakening post-baby when I realized I controlled very
little. But I digress….so I knew I
wanted to BF, period, end of story. I
had decided this after learning the immense nutritional value of breast milk
and how many antibodies our breast milk has.
I was so excited that I had decided to make this commitment that I even attended
a BFing class (which I HIGHLY recommend) because surprisingly our boobies do
not come with instructions and ironically neither do our babies. I took the class and felt great about my
decision. I learned everything I needed
to know about BFing and was ready to tackle the task at hand---it would be a
cinch!
Fast forward six weeks after SGs birth. As many of you know our daughter was put in
the hospital at 4 days old due to jaundice and extremely high billirubin counts mainly
due to the fact that she had become malnourished and dehydrated thereby
preventing her from being able to eliminate any bodily wastes. The main culprit? My boobies.
This was because my milk did not come in within the 2-3 days after birth
when most women’s milk comes in. I will
share the details of this story in another post but long story short I just did
not produce enough milk for SG. In fact
my milk production was so poor that even with lots of BFings + pumping I could
never produce more than an 1 ½ oz. of milk per breast (at the height of my
BFing)! At my worst point I couldn’t even
produce 1 oz. between the two! So by 6
weeks I was beyond frustrated, extremely exhausted and at my wits end. Imagine feeding for 30 minutes then bottle
feeding for another 30 then pumping for another 30 when your baby is on a 2
hour feeding schedule---that’s right, you get about 30 minutes to rest in
between feedings…not ideal. I felt I had given BFing my all but by this point I
was so sleep deprived and was still returning poor results that I just felt
like it wasn’t worth it anymore. At this
point I was also supplementing with bottles and frankly I felt much better
feeding her with a bottle because at least then I knew how much she consumed. I
had also become quite paranoid with SG’s milk intake given the scare with her
being in the hospital. I logged EVERY
feeding, how long she fed, how much, etc.
I had become a prisoner to her feeding schedule constantly on the verge
of a nervous breakdown if she didn’t consume the “right” amount of milk for the
day. I was so fearful that she would get
sick again that even when I could rest I just couldn’t because my anxiety was
so bad. I remember sitting on the phone
with my dear friend Kristi. She shared
her BFing difficulties and coached me through lasting another 2 weeks. God bless her! I had asked my husband if I should just
bottle feed exclusively but he asked that I keep trying. That lasted about another 3 days and then one
day after falling asleep with SG on me for over 3 hours from sheer exhaustion
and waking up in a frantic panic I decided to throw in the towel.
Now I am NOT a quitter.
In fact quitting to me is like admitting defeat. I am a fighter, always have been so quitting
at this was very foreign to me. The
first week I decided to quit I felt like a horrible mother and a huge
failure. I had failed at the one thing
that creates the greatest bond between mommy and baby. I was a flat out failure! I couldn’t do what thousands of other mommies
seem to be able to do so easily. I will never forget standing in the shower
having to hand express the excess milk and sobbing watching what I had treated
like liquid gold just wash away. My
heart hurt so badly. Was I making the
right decision? Would SG and I still
have a bond? Was I just a selfish mother
who needed sleep over giving my daughter natures most nutritious form of
food? All these questions ran through my
mind. About two weeks later I knew this
was the right decision for me. I felt
like a new woman. I was getting more
sleep and my husband was able to help with more feedings. I no longer felt like a cow connected to the
milk machine and more importantly I was in a better mood overall. I realized then that yes, this was the right
decision for me and my family. I was now
able to be a better mommy because I was simply happier. Now please understand, I am not saying this
is the right decision for everyone. I
have lots of mommy friends who BF and still BF and this is the right decision
for them. And honestly had BFing gone
differently for me I might still be doing it now. I have friends who also chose
to bottle feed because they struggled as well.
Now almost 5 months later, SG is a VERY healthy (check out the rolls),
happy, loving lil girl and our bond is stronger now than when she was first
born.
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| Happy lil eater. |
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| Who needs a neck when you can rest on cheeks like these?! |
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| I joke that SG's cheeks could have their own zip code! |
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| Lots of biscuit rolls on her arms at 4 months. |
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| Check out the biscuit rolls on her thighs at only 2 months! |
I wanted to share my story because as I mentioned before I
have other mommy friends who have or are currently struggling. BFing is no easy task, in fact it was one of
the hardest things I had attempted. I
wanted other mommies to know that it is ok if you chose to bottle feed. Formulas are so different than they used to
be and babies are still healthy (just take a look at our lil chunky
monkey). If you are struggling I am more
than happy to offer my support.
Sometimes it just helps to know you aren’t the only one going through
something. And if you would like to
share your story I would LOVE to hear it and I know other mommies would
too. Just know that it is your decision,
don’t let others pressure you one way or the other because it is your family,
your baby and your body.
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